She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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