did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
