so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When are your genitals available?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
