Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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