Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
