i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
