my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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