apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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