maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
