Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
