I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
