I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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