if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
