everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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