I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
