Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
