I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize