i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
