it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I touched a dick in church today
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
