he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
