Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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