Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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