Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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