Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize