oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
