I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
