so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
