yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
