ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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