I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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