Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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