you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
