If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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