I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
