mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've blown a few things in my day
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
