he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize