nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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