Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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