i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
