so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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