my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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