I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
this will be a night to untag.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Shame - the story of my life.
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