grandma shit on top of the toilet
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think my moral compass just broke
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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