the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
