a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
