haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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