i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
