im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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