i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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