I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
