this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
