watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize