so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
