Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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