Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
