a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
