so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She's the barista slut.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize