My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Michael Bay diarrhea
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
