I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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