So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
