I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
