i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
