we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
