FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
