Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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