That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
