I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
