dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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