hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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