you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
