I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
