I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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