You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
