doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
