Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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