I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
