Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
