getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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