I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
