I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
