I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This house was built for laser tag.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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