I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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