the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
