So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
