Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize