I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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