I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
