but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
