Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The maid of honor just puked.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
