When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize