Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
