The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
