You're my little dorito
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
