How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
