How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
