It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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