dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
