What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Did I show you my penis last night?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
