Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
