$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
