I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
