ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
