I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
