i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
