I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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