why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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