did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
