If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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