am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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