OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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