she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
