I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
